You Win Some, You Lose Some
by Delena5ever
Summary: Hook settles in Granny's for some breakfast only to get himself barred forever after inappropriate comments. Regina decides to demonstrate he could do so much better... Rated M for good reasons.


"Can I get you anything?"

Hook tilts his head up, slowly drinking in Ruby's form. "Well, love, send me whatever you have."

Red flushes and her lips tighten before she answers. "Sure." She flips her long brown hair over her shoulder and Hook watches it swing over her plump backside with satisfaction as she moves back to the counter.

The girl passes his order to the old lady, whose icy blue eyes immediately fix on Killian. He grins and leans back into the leather of the seat, closing his eyes to daydream about taking that small white apron off the brunette's bare hips...

"Coffee. Toast. Enjoy." Hook lifts his lids and grins, leaning forward as Granny slides his breakfast stonily onto the table. His words flow straight into her ear, a favourite trick of his.

"Thank you milady." A sharp blow reaches Hook's temples mid wink.

He starts when his vision finally refocuses. The old woman was much too close for comfort, her eyes burning with hatred. "Get your hook away from my granddaughter."

Granny Lucas straightens up and walks away.

"Jealous, Granny?" She freezes and immediately everybody in the café looks round. Hook grins, looking at the old lady from beneath his black eyelashes. "You know, I'm happy to take you back to my ship if you want to keep me to yourself."

The whole café gasps. Even the pretty girl in the apron is staring at him like he's just signed his own death warrant.

He starts up to his feet as Granny swings round, a large loaded crossbow in her arms, pointing directly at his chest.

"Get. Out."

Hook tries to laugh it off. "Come on, can I at least finish my drink?" He takes a large gulp and chokes on the scolding liquid and it's even worse flavour. "Ew! What _is_ that?!"

"YOU ARE NOT TO COME IN HERE AGAIN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Hook swears, trying to get rid of the stale taste staining his breath as he dives for the door, suddenly fully aware she's seconds away from pulling the trigger.

He bursts out onto the street, leaving the screams and laughter inside. He turns and steps back, taking one last look at the place he'll never be able to return to.

"You've only been here twenty minutes and you're already barred from the Storybrooke's favourite meeting place."

"Well, given you're mayor, I shall thank my stars I'm not being chased with pitchforks." A small grin plays on his lips as he turns to see Regina watching him with folded arms.

"What happened, pirate?"

"Granny Lucas is in denial." Hook shrugs. "And apparently I'm not allowed to appreciate her granddaughter's fortunate body."

"Red?" Regina scoffs, stepping forward, her black stilettos clicking against the road as she comes much closer than the average girl. Hook's eyebrow rises on its own, impressed by her daring. "You could do so much better."

The corner of Hook's mouth lifts as he leans down, closing the gap so his mouth barely hovers over her painted lips. "Then who do you suggest?" he breathes. Her brown eyes stare deeply in the blue ocean of his irises.

"Come with me." Regina grasps his hook and pulls him after her. Hook stumbles before regaining his balance and trotting happily after her. Before he can be pulled too far away, he turns back and salutes the café as one last _fuck you_ to those inside that had laughed at him.

Regina kicks open the door and pushes Hook inside. As she slams the door behind her, Killian climbs the two steps and tilts his head back, whistling in appreciation. Cream walls, a spiral staircase and a huge sparkling chandelier; Hook drank it in, impressed with the scene change from his usual dark, damp ship.

"Where do you want to go?" asks Regina huskily. Hook sticks out his bottom lip. "Forget it, I've always wanted to have sex in the kitchen." Without waiting for Hook's response, she shoves him impatiently through the door on the right.

The gleaming white cupboards contrast magnificently with the black marble top, bar the centre island that was a white table top resting on mahogany table legs, the latter of which she pushes him against now.

"Somebody's eager," comments Killian as she rips off his shirt.

"Shut up." Regina presses her mouth on Hook's, exploring his tongue and smooth teeth, trying to accustom herself to the taste of stale rum. Her hands claw his chest, her fingertips twisting themselves into the long dark muss of chest hair and pulling. Killian groans, his lips pulling into a smile beneath hers.

"Gladly," he murmurs, his blue eyes sparkling underneath his lids as he rips open the front of her thin jumper with a nifty swipe of his hook, pushing the remaining rags off her slender white shoulders with his hand. Regina reaches behind her back to unhook her bra, but a quick snap and Hook took care of that too.

Killian twists around and lifts Regina onto the table top, her stilettos falling off her feet, clattering on the tiles. He kicks them under the table as he yanks off her suit trouser, grinning in satisfaction at the expanse of flesh. Everything that wasn't underneath her expensive black lace thong was free for his eyes to consume.

Regina grins back. She pushes herself to the edge, taking Hook by the buckle and pulling him closer to the hungry cavern between her legs. She snaps the belt open and pushes them down with her bare feet, revealing him in all his glory.

Regina raises an eyebrow. "You don't wear pants?"

Hook chuckles and kisses her neck, pressing his growing sex against hers. "I don't need them, love. Halves the washing we need to do onboard." Regina squirms and with a quick push past the material, he inserts his length into her. They groan simultaneously, not moving for a moment as they take in the sensation of being one. Hook slowly draws back before thrusting inside of her once more.

The euphoria weakens her body. Her arms wrap themselves over Hook's muscular shoulders and she rests her head cheek against his ear, breathing heavily. The heat between them draws their sweat, creating more friction. He gains speed with increasing grunts which Regina returns as she rocks forward against him on the table.

The noise crescendos, the table squealing as it digs into the floor tiles. In the grips of her orgasm, Regina pushes herself of the table. Hook's expression crumples, his length pulsing and still needing, so close. Regina removes him from inside her, much to Hook's disappointment, before shoving him back against the table and kneeling before him.

Killian groans ever louder, leaning back onto his elbows as Regina takes him into her mouth, licking her own female sex juices from his member. His hook digs into the wood of the table and immediately, Regina pulls back.

Before he can ask what he's done this time, she looks up at him, her teeth gritted.

"That. Is. _Mahogany._"

Hook wraps his hand into her hair, pushing her head forward, an invitation to continue what she was doing. "I can't do anything right today can I?" he gasps, and he finally finds his release. Regina stands up and kisses him on the mouth.

"Mmm." They search each other's mouths, exploring the new flavours their juices have created. Exhausted, Regina sinks into Hook's chest. He strokes her hair gently as his heady gaze settles over her mussed ebony hair.

"Come to join the party?"

Regina's head snaps up. Emma's stood in the door, her mouth agape, eyes popping in disbelief. Regina yelps and covers her generous white breasts, turning away, her face burning. Hook is unfazed at being completely uncovered before a woman. So many women had seen him that it seemed foolish to be embarrassed anymore.

"But I- Regina!" Emma seemed very flustered considering the fact it was beyond common knowledge she and Henry and walked in on her parents the week before. "I thought we were making tacos?!"


End file.
